Infectious Rest

Thursday afternoon I went to the clinic with a very infected bug bite on my leg and came out with the diagnosis of cellulitis accompanied by an abscess. I followed the doctor’s orders by taking antibiotics, elevating / soaking my leg, and resting. It hurt to sit up for very long and the pain throbbed when I stood or walked. Optimistic me thought I’d heal over the weekend and be back to work by Monday.

God had other plans. Now it’s Monday and I’m still in bed. I still can’t stand without pain.

Over the past few days I’ve felt miserable. Not only is my body battling infection… There is this inner battle happening simultaneously. I’ve felt like somehow I’ve failed. I couldn’t teach my lessons, direct band rehearsals, coach volleyball, support my students at their talent night, help my roommate cook or clean… do anything that requires me to be upright. I felt pathetic and discouraged that I wasn’t meeting the mark of my own expectations. And even more so that I couldn’t do the jobs God called me to do here.

I’ve always had the older child syndrome of being ultra responsible, independent, and self-sufficient. I’m one to push hard through the pain, the “go, go, go” type of person. I get the job done and do it well without a hint of being tired.

Well, God stopped this “super-missionary” in her tracks this week. He put a “thorn in my flesh to keep me from becoming conceited” (2 Corinthians 12:7 paraphrase). I wanted to be in control of my leg healing. Having a bum leg is holding me back from my ministry. Or is it? As I read these next Words, I realized I was wrong.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

He reminded me of how weak I truly am. I couldn’t keep up the façade anymore. My works and drive for perfection aren’t going to get me through this time. His grace will win as He shows me how incredibly strong He is. He’s been trying to get my attention for a while now. He’s been trying to tell me to slow down… to rest… to depend on Him in a deeper way… to let Him be in control. He has my full attention while I lay in bed with this thorn in my flesh, listening to Him whisper,

“Wait. Rest. Be. My grace is sufficient for you.”

Broken and Beautiful

picture from google image search

I was walking to school and as I turned the corner leading to the music building door, I stopped in my tracks… a big butterfly was sprawled out on the sidewalk, blocking my path. (Sorry, didn’t have a camera, so no picture… just a pseudo picture from google images to catch your attention). Like my nature-y self, I thanked and praised God as I gazed at the uniqueness of its large size, black and white coloring, and simple beauty.

But what really struck me was the fact that a big chunk of its wing was missing! It was broken and that was the most beautiful part. It just stood there on the sidewalk in the midst of brokenness. It didn’t move. It didn’t do anything. It just was.

That’s when I realized that God was speaking to me…

I had been asking God to speak to me and give me guidance regarding specific parts of my life. Sleepless nights were exhausting me. When I couldn’t sleep, I’d ask God what He wanted me to do. I’d open my Bible and search for truth. I’d turn on the worship music, hoping it would calm my racing thoughts. I’d ask Him to speak. I’d sit there and listen. I’d ask Him to give me rest.

I waited.

And waited.

And… waited.

Silence. The silence was deafening.

I just wanted to hear from Him. I wanted the heavens to open and hear God’s thundering voice tell me exactly what to do and how to do it. I wanted an email to show up in my inbox giving me the details. I wanted clarity and I wanted it instantly.

Here’s where the broken butterfly comes in:

God wanted me to wait on Him in my brokenness. “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” -Psalm 27:14. Phrases like, “listen to Me,” “look to Me,” “trust in Me,” were popping out in my Bible readings on a regular basis. So I responded by trying to do those things, but…

He didn’t want me to do anything. This is the really hard part for me. I want to be actively involved and go get things done. Waiting for God was exhausting to me. It seemed like He was taking His sweet time while I was relentlessly pursuing Him for answers. I thought I was listening, looking, and trusting in Him… but my thoughts always went to: what should I do?! I was doing the best I could to hear from Him, but felt like a failure every time I didn’t hear anything. **Check out the lyrics from the song “Fix You” at the bottom of this blog. This has been a go-to song for me and articulates my circumstances pretty well.** Jesus gave His life to fix my brokenness. He doesn’t need me to do anything. Realizing that this was the point continues to bring me freedom daily.

He wanted me to be with Him. The Creator of the universe loves me and wants to be in relationship with me. Nothing more and nothing less. How humbling. He was speaking to me all along. When I gazed at that broken and beautiful butterfly and soaked in the depth of its significance to my broken and beautiful life, I heard the still small voice whispering… “Just be.”

 

Fix You
– by Coldplay (adapted and recorded by WorshipMob)

When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones,
He gave His life to fix you,

High up above or down below
When you’re too in love to let it go
But if you never try you’ll never know
Just what you’re worth

He can guide you home
And ignite your bones
He gave His life to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
When you can’t learn from your mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

He will guide you home
And ignite your bones
He gave His life to fix you

 

 

Vacation Bible School

An average of 445 children per day filled our community’s Teen Center with joyful singing, active listening, quick minds to memorize God’s Word (John 1:1,3,4,14), safe and active game times, and responsive hearts. A total of 132 children were counseled concerning salvation and then prayed to receive Jesus as their Savior over four days! Every day the new believers stood and the crowd cheered!

 

Here are some pictures from the week!

Registration… meeting the kids and giving out name tags

Singing time, complete with actions!

Sunday School teachers from the surrounding valley did object lessons and talks about the theme for each day.

Of course there were skits…

…and games!

I served as a group leader with a couple Papua New Guinean Sunday School teachers from the surrounding valley. There were 103 girls in our group the first day! It was a humbling and very rewarding experience to speak truth into their lives (in another language!).

 

Christmas in Kokopo and Kavieng

Having a five week school break allowed me to visit friends working in the island regions of PNG. I went to Kokopo and Kavieng with a group of friends and had great Christmas and New Year holidays. It was fun to do life together and very encouraging to see them in their ministry roles (both help me know how to pray for them more specifically).

Christmas trees island style.

 

Meet Adrianne Baumunk! I’m excited to announce that I’ve become part of a village support team! For many village-based teams, one of the most important support systems that exists is the village support team system. The idea is that an Ukarumpa based support worker (which is what I do as a teacher) will maintain regular communication with a village based language team in  order to pray for them and help them with errands.

She is currently serving as a Center Manager in Kavieng. In this role, she directly supports Bible translators who are working in remote island locations by transporting people, getting and shipping supplies, providing housing, praying, and so much more.

Adrianne is in the process of allocating to a language group so she can do Bible translation! Please join me in praying for God’s leading as she seeks Him for discernment about where He might have her work.

One of the most encouraging parts of the trip was seeing ministry happen. This boat is getting loaded with cargo for a translation team to travel to a remote island where they do translation work. It takes them a couple hours to get there on this little banana boat. We were blessed with the opportunity to help them get ready to go and pray with them.

We also rode in boats to little islands…

 

There are a bunch of WWII bunkers and relics around the Kokopo area so we got to do a bit of sight-seeing.

There are also active volcanoes… like the ones in the background here!

 

I thought this sign was hysterical. It translates to “we take care of cocoa… cocoa will take care of us.” Give me some cocoa to take care of! 🙂

 

A couple fun highlights of the trip… getting a conch shell that I can play and paddle boarding on the ocean.

   

Grief Revisited

I recently had a vivid dream about my spiritual mom, Kristie (who died of cancer two years ago). I woke up feeling so content and full… then reality hit as I realized it was all a dream. She wasn’t really here. I desperately wanted to go back to dreamland so those moments would last. To have one more hug. To hear her voice speak truth into my life again. To tell her how much I love her just one more time. But I suppose one more time is never enough. We always long for more.

It was hard to drag myself out of bed, so I grabbed my Bible to soak in some truth. As I flipped through the pages, a safely tucked away Christmas card from Kristie stopped the pages from turning. I opened the card and read the words she wrote to me two years ago with tears filling my eyes. Then I flipped some more and read these words from 1 Peter 1:6-9…

“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith – of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire – may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”

I clung to this passage as I walked in what seemed like a fog all day.

“No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning” (A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis). This is how I felt. Grief was filling me, but I went on with my day… trying to be stronger.

That afternoon I went to school to get some work done. As I was practicing trombone, Kristie’s smile caught the corner of my eye. There is a picture from camp on my bulletin board. I stopped playing and my eyes started to water. I put down my trombone and sat down on the floor of my lesson room, looking at the picture. And I sobbed. Tears streamed down my face and my nose ran. I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

Why was all of this coming up now? Why is that wound opening up again?

Because God has more!

He’s opening my grief to take a deeper look.

He’s teaching me to wait on Him and to grieve with Him.

He’s healing and refining me.

He’s chiseling away the impurities and preparing me to meet Jesus.

He’s filling me with His Spirit.

He’s restoring me to Himself day by day.

Kristie has been fully restored in Heaven. I’m still in waiting… Right now it hurts. At the same time, I look forward to “pressing on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me” (Philippians 3:12b). And ultimately, I’m eager for the day when I’ll see Jesus face to face and be in the fullness of His glory.

The Sacred Praying Mantis

This morning I was feeding the dogs and a praying mantis jumped onto the big metal barrel. It stared at me as I went about my task. Then I stood and stared back at it. For a long time. As I gazed at the praying mantis, my mind was spinning with thoughts of God. It’s funny how He uses the most random things in nature to speak to me.

Today the praying mantis was a reminder for me:

To stop in my tracks and slow down. I get so caught up in doing everything and sometimes don’t allow myself to slow down and take in my surroundings.

To pray. “The praying mantis is named for its prominent front legs, which are bent and held together at an angle that suggests the position of prayer.” (animals.nationalgeographic.com/animals/bugs/praying–mantis). I want my life to suggest a position of constant prayer and complete dependence on God.

To just be. It’s easy for me to feel guilty when I rest – especially as a missionary. I’m supposed to share the Gospel in a different language and win people to Christ, right? I’m supposed to be bold and step out of my comfort zone for the name of Jesus, right? I want to fill my time with things that will make an eternal impact and be busy with things that matter. Yes, sharing Christ and fulfilling the Great Commission are important… but I can’t effectively do that if I’m not allowing myself to just be with God. He is the One that saves. He is the One that restores. He is perfect. Not me. But He works in and through me to bring Himself glory anyways. What a humbling life.

To be content with the blurriness. I tried taking pictures of this little spiritual creature, but all of the pictures came out blurry. I couldn’t get a clear picture for the life of me. This turned out to be a good analogy. In the process of sanctification, the path is blurry. There is no way for me to know the next step God has for me… it’s blurry and unclear. It’s in the blurriness that God takes my hand and I follow Him. The perfectionist in me wants to know what to do and what to expect. I desperately want a deeper relationship with the Lord and I’m willing to do anything to grow closer to Him… and that’s the point. I can’t do anything. The path is blurry and all I can do is simply rest in Him, trust His guidance, and take each step in faith.

Middle School Field Trip

Part of my role as the middle school head teacher was planning a middle school field trip. At the  beginning of November, all of the plans came together and we went on a field trip to Lae (a port city in PNG). We spent two days touring businesses, including a crocodile farm, icecream factory, rainforest habitat, biscuit factory, and Coca-Cola factory. Everyone had a fun time and learned a lot. Praise God! Check out some fun pictures!

Students holding a baby crocodile

Touring the icecream factory

Free samples!

Finishing our icecream factory tour

Playing in the guest house pool

Students with the snake they walked with around the rainforest habitat

Cassowary = Giant bird found in PNG

The strongpela boys

The strongpela girls

End of our Coca-Cola factory tour

“Random” Flower

This morning I woke up feeling unusually overwhelmed and stressed out about the day’s busy schedule.

My task-oriented mind brushed it aside and I started my morning routine in preparation for a long day:

• Read my devotional for the day.
• Convince myself to get out of bed and take a shower.
• Cut the sugar cane and grab a banana to go out and feed the bird.

On my way to the bird cage, I glanced over at the garden and a lone pink flower caught my eye. I stopped in my tracks, sugar cane and banana in hand, and wondered where this random flower came from.

Disclaimer: I’m not a photographer and just have a basic digital camera. This photo doesn’t do justice to the beauty that I witnessed this morning.

I walk this same path every morning and hadn’t noticed a flower growing. This garden is full of pineapples, sugar cane, and cherry tomatoes… not flowers. Plus, we’re in the middle of a drought (although it has rained a few days this week and did again last night). Perplexed, I carried on with my morning pet feeding duties. My mind was still drawn to this flower. There was something remarkable about it that kept capturing my eye. After feeding the dogs, I turned around again to marvel at the raindrops that decorated the pink flower petals. I stood there in awe, staring at the beauty that God planted in my path this morning.

I praised God for His provision in this dry and weary land.

I praised God for filling my weary body with His love and grace day after day.

I praised God for all of the beauty that He has made from ashes and brokenness in my life.

Today, this “random flower” was a bright picture from God reminding me [all throughout the day] to slow down and take in His goodness.  He makes beauty from ashes and His grace is sufficient for me.

Marching Band

Welcome to marching band in Ukarumpa, Papua New Guinea!

We spent the first term of the school year memorizing 7 pieces of music along with the marching formations for each piece. All of this took place in the Meeting House, which is where we have our music concerts, town meetings, and worship services. We utilized the space by marching in the aisles, on stage, on the floor in front of the stage, going outside and re-entering, and having some students stand on risers.

The marching band was made up of middle school and high school students. Some of them had never marched or memorized music before, so this was a challenge for many. We adapted the marching for the various levels of students.

Pictured below are some of the middle school students standing on risers for one of the more marching intensive songs.

We even had a color guard! A group of girls worked very hard to develop a routine that flowed well with the music we played.

Despite living in the “middle of nowhere” we have a strong band program that I’m proud to take part in. What a blessing it is to teach here!

Goroka Show

Check out the various styles of bilas (decoration/costume) that the Papua New Guineans wore during the Goroka Cultural Show. Each group had songs and dances… and some played instruments. It was a rich cultural experience! Here are a few of the many pictures:

      

There were some not-so-traditional things, too.

How adorable are these kids?!